Are you really dead, my lover?
by Qu7u
Summary: Male/Male love! Harry and Sirius used to be lovers so what happens when the battle at the ministry starts? Will Harry be able to save his ex-lover? Will he take the Snake Face down? Or is he going to die himself? You must read it to get an answer for that. Ignores parts of OoP. Sirus/Harry Slash or preslash? Slightly idiot Moody? OH! Character death! Don't worry - only Death Eater
1. Death is only the beginning, right?

Hello, everyone, at firts I'd like to say, that

 **NO, I HAVE NOT WRITTEN HARRY POTTER AND I CLAIM ABSOLUTELY NO RIGHTS!**

 **EVERY CHARACTER IN THIS FANFIC BELONGS MERELY TO HER!**

 **I DO NOT MAKE ANY MONEY OUT OF THIS!**

Well, with that said I'm going to continue...

 **English is not my native language!**

 **Any review about grammar is welcomed too!**

I sometimes read fanfics that clearly scream at me, to correct them, so please, if you find a problem, **tell me.**

If you won't insult me along the process I swear not to get mad at mistakes you point out.

Remember!

Your reviews about grammar will make the story more enjoyable to others who come after you!

Don't be afraid!

* * *

Now to the story.

This is a fanfic and in this world, what I write, that goes.

I'm not JK Rowling, if I write, I personalize things. Each character acts either like me, like I expect them to act or like me if I were perfect. Some only have my bad traits reinforced. If you don't like how the characters act or if it doesn't make any sense to you, don't bother mentioning it and just leave, the story or the characters will not change unless I want them to.

* * *

 **Now to the story itself.**

 **It has been posted here once already but I deleted it because it lay untouched and incomplete for a year.**

 **This part of 6 chapters that I'm posting almost simaltenuosly will be considered as complete.**

 **There are no graphic sexual scenes, therefore anyone who's not against gay people can read it.**

 **I am working on the epilog right now but it will be posted as a single story since it's as long as the original 6 chapters.**

 **I also have some speacial chapters but they will be posted as another group, separately.**

 **The specials will contain adult scenary and language but you will need to waiit for that.**

 **.**

 **I didn't really rewritten these chapters but I changed some wording and the structure because, believe me, I could not read it like it was before.**

 **It was horribly composed.**

* * *

I apologise to those who waited for an update for so long but I just couldn't lave the story like this anymore.

I like it too much for that to happen.

Those who haven't read it yet.

Fell free to read it.

Enjoy.

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 **Chapter 1 / Death is only the beginning, right?**

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.

 _Sirius! He's alive! And here!_

Harry was indescribably happy, even though there were unforgivables flying all around with the only desire – to hit one of his friends.

He didn't care,

he hadn't asked them to come with him,

he hadn't need them to follow him carelessly.

He had to go though, he needed to save Sirius, even if it was a trap.

It had been unthinkable not to find out, if his lover was in danger.

Well… ex-lover.

They hadn't understood, hadn't got it, why he needed to go so much, but they had followed him blindly anyway.

His friends…

They were loyal friends, the best ones he could have made, but at that moment he cared only about Sirius.

"Sirius!" Exclaimed Harry joyfully and then launched at his godfather to hug him.

He was so happy!

he could not have made that damn vision go away from his mind, but he was alright now, Padfoot in his arms.

"Harry! There's no time now, we need to fight..." Replied the tall man with long dark locks in a small ponytail, he pushed Harry away from himself and literally glued their backs together. _I'll protect you and you'll protect me..._ Was the thought that had swept through the young wizard's mind, then he threw one Death Eater across the room.

"We have to get out of here, you and your friends need to go somewhere save," said Sirius suddenly, he grabbed his godson's hand and forced him to the bunch of his already gathered friends who were protected by Order members.

"No! I won't leave you!" Refused Harry almost instantly and took a hold of Sirius' cloak, which he wasn't letting go. Certainly not after he had witnessed his probable death, he wasn't going to let that happen, it was unacceptable!

"Watch out!" Flew out of his mouth and he pulled his lover aside with his quick and strong hand.

It didn't do any good though, the hex still hit him.

His heart might have stopped beating for a while, when he saw his godfather's lifeless body fly through the air right towards that whispering veil.

 _NO!_

Was Harry's immediate thought, he followed right after with one hopeless step then reached out his hand... Sirius was too far away unfortunately.

It was always going to be... too far away.

He froze when Sirius smashed to the archway and then flinched when his body fell down, forcefully, lifelessly and hollowly. The veil hasn't swallowed him that was good... but he wasn't getting up... wasn't even breathing... nothing. Harry fell on his knees he registered the voices of his friends in a corner of his mind... they were calling him.

Someone - Remus probably - hug him and tried to get him up on his feet but those were too weak.

 ** _My fault._**

 _If I hadn't come here, nothing would have happened and now..._

"Let go," he said without emotion, when he could finally remain standing on his own, he made a step towards the veil then where his only reason to live this goddamn life lay. "Let go," he heard himself say again, but as if the voice didn't belong to him, it was lifeless... hollow.

 _He's not getting up... he's still not getting up..._

"Let go of me!" Screamed Harry in rage and then ripped himself out of werewolf's arms which were restraining him. He finally wanted to run towards Sirius clutch him in embrace and never let him go. He heard her then though.

"I killed Sirius, ha-ha!" Belatrix was chuckling crazily and throwing hexes of various sparkling colours around in every direction. Harry's vision went black he saw only her.

 _How does she dare?!_

Without any effort every spell that flew in his direction was repulsed. He didn't care for others he just wanted her… so he went to get her, slowly but confidently.

She noticed him, smiled cruelly and vanished inside the black door behind her. He didn't mind, he was going to find her and then... he was going to kill her, yes... he's going to kill that filthy bitch tonight!

"Crucio," slipped later coldly past his lips, when he caught up to her... well she waited for him, insane little bitch.

Bella screamed in agony then fell on the ground when her body twitched in endless torturous spasm.

He removed the hex after only two minutes he didn't want her to die, at least not yet.

Harry didn't need a wand or any other dumb nursery rhyme incantations, he stood right next to her and forcefully stamped on her knee. Again and again until she lifted her wand with lame effort, which he snatched then.

"Die, you bitch," whispered Harry cruelly as he put his shin at her chest, knee pushing into her throat and restricting the airway.

She was struggling but her strength wasn't enough, not against the power of his rage.

After Harry snapped her wand right in front of her eyes her effort died completely.

"See you in hell," said Harry and with a simple wave of his hand her body changed into ashes. As if new strength has awoken in him.

Could there be any worse time to happen?

He didn't want it he didn't need it anymore.

The only thing he has ever desired was to protect his beloved Sirius and he failed... totally.

 _Then why? Why now?_

Why was wandless magic children's task now? That one was simple, he finally accepted this monstrous power. The moment he saw his godfather's grey eyes grow shallow it was no longer important what others may think.

A freak, murderer, another dark lord... he didn't care.

*You might see her even sooner than you anticipated.* Said the dark mocking voice behind him, the hissing only he could hear. *You enraged me you know..* he heard again as the only other well known owner of the parseltongue came closer and closer. *Bella might have been a little insane but she was loyal... Loyalty is not easily found these days, Harry Potter. I wanted you to join my side but I'll drop the thought, obviously, when my trust that you cannot kill in cold blood suddenly disappeared...* Said Voldemort would-be sublimely and stopped about 30 feet from Harry.

They were looking at each other.

One deeply hating the other.

Two monsters...

finally face to face...

One full of desire for endless life the other hoping for death.

Lust for the blood of an innocent race versus revenge for parents - the loss of a family.

They had one thing in common, though, murderers the both of them shared their desire to end life of the man in front of them.

"AVADA KEDAVRA!" Screamed both of them at the same time. Only magic was heard cracking as one huge green beam was connected once it was fired from both wands.

It was impossible to kill the other, no, their wands wouldn't have let them. Wands... but wandless magic doesn't work on the same principle. "AVADA KEDAVRA!" Could be heard for the second time and beams of light from their palms united again in the middle.

Now only their resolve could unbalance the state for their strength was of the same merit.

Who's going to win?

Whose aim is strong enough to supress the other one?

The lust for killing innocent? Or hollow revenge?

Suddenly a greenish barrier went up around them which even though looked pretty could kill in an instant. Death Eaters trying to help their lord, hexing the barrier or foolishly coming through died. The others didn't, though, no. Dumbledore, Hermione, Remus... were only pushed few feet backwards.

It was Harry who could at least partly control their mixed up magic, Voldemort knew and it was driving him mad. Their wands started to crack sisters rather die themselves than hurt the other. One beam of green disappeared, wands were no longer useful… they hit the floor with a dull clap almost simultaneously. Both wizards joined their palms to the spell hoping it would grant some advantage but the result was none.

 _'You could stay at my place, if you want...'_

 _'Be careful.'_

 _'Love you, Harry, we'll always be a family.'_

 _'Talk to me, please, you're my godson, I love you, then...'_

 _'You... you love me?'_

 _'Don't push me, please!'_

 _'Damn it, I love you too! But what would people say to this?'_

 _'And what about Molly? Ron, Hermione, your friends! I'm twice your age! Scratch that, I'm even older than James, your father, remember?'_

 _'Harry... I love you too... I was trying to ignore my feelings, I already voiced bunch of reasons we cannot be together but I can't hold myself any longer... do you... would you give it a try? Relationship with me?'_

 _'Why? You even need to ask? We can't have a proper date, it's ruining you, I can see it!'_

 _'Harry... Harry I'm sorry. Talk to me, please...'_

Memories, that came to his mind right before the green light hit his chest were all connected to his lover.

Why?

Why didn't he forgive Sirius?

He would have not needed to go to the ministry then to make sure his godfather is alright and safe. It would have been enough to ask through that mirror shard.

 _At least I die with you..._

That was his last thought and with a short sigh his eyelids started to fall with tiredness.

.

* * *

 **I hope you liked it!**

 **Now hurry on to the next chapter!**

 **And read it!**

 **:)**


	2. The tears of sorrow

Let's start with...

 **NO, I HAVE NOT WRITTEN HARRY POTTER AND I CLAIM ABSOLUTELY NO RIGHTS!**

 **EVERY CHARACTER IN THIS FANFIC BELONGS MERELY TO JKRowling!**

 **I DO NOT MAKE ANY MONEY OUT OF THIS!**

And continue with this if you missed it the last time...

 **English is not my native language!**

 **Any review about grammar is welcomed too!**

* * *

Enjoy.

* * *

 **Chapter 2 / The tears of sorrow**

* * *

.

"Remus! We need you! Right now!" Exclaimed suddenly Alastor Moody with his rough voice.

Neither Sirius nor Remus knew what was going on. They exchanged one confused look but reacted to the next set of words.

"Harry's at the ministry and Death Eaters are pursuing him. Come quickly!" Two old friends didn't hesitate for a second they grabbed their wands then cloaks and were ready to go.

"Not you, Padfoot. It's very likely that Aurors show up and target you too. This is madness you can't go to the ministry!" Screamed Tonks with reddish flaming shade of hair from behind Alastor.

"I'm going too, with or without you," said the black haired man whose locks were pulled to a tiny ponytail.

"Sirius, don't be a fool, this…" Remus's voice quietened when Sirius disconnected their firecall. He couldn't understand his friend at the moment. Sirius was acting weird for a long time now and didn't talk to his godson at all except for saying 'hi'.

"What's going on?" Asked Remus finally, afraid of the answer.

"I love him… that's what I wanted to tell you today. I drove him away from myself because of others what would they even think? But I can't pretend anymore and I don't want him to get hurt!" Explained Sirius so suddenly his long-time supressed tears couldn't even appear for all the fear and distress ha was feeling.

"Who-" Remus suddenly started to doubt hit best friends sanity. "Who the hell are you talking about?" Asked Remus, he was completely at loss but when he saw that sorrowful expression on Sirius' face as if it hit him.

Those two were constantly asking how was the other fairing, they didn't talk to each other but it was clear as a day… how could he have missed that? He was practically their indirect telephone line!

"Harry?" Whispered Remus full of dread of the upcoming truth.

"Yes but come now, we're already late," muttered quietly the ex-prisoner and restored the connection with the Order. He stepped through the fireplace while ignoring all of the insults coming his way, Remus followed him.

…

Everywhere he looked ruled pure chaos and screams could be heard from every direction but his mind was completely cut of the ongoing events except for… Harry who was standing face to face with Lucius, his friends in the clutches of other Death Eaters.

The Order members barged in and Sirius claimed the place next to Harry. "Sirius!" The boy exclaimed joyfully and hugged his godfather. Neither of them experienced this for a while… they felt save, happy and contained.

They couldn't wallow in this comfort forever unfortunately.

"Harry!" Replied Sirius excitedly and pressed that young body to his chest quickly.

He snapped out of that dreamy embrace rather fast, though.

"Now's not the time we need to fight!" Added Sirius full of sorrow and let his godson out of his arms. After that he pushed their backs together so they could protect one another. _I'll protect you and you'll protect me._ Flickered through his mind meanwhile he faced Lucius.

 _Nice one, James!_ Chuckled the animagus in his thoughts when Harry saved his arse from a really nasty hex.

 _No… This is wrong… This isn't James, this is Harry… my godson who's only fifteen! He shouldn't be here!_

"We need to get out of here! You and your friends need to go somewhere safe!" Yelled Sirius suddenly and grabbed the young man's hand. He was looking around in dread and meanwhile their fingers slowly entwined Sirius found what he was looking for.

There was no hesitation on his part.

He had to save him so he forcefully dragged him to the Order members who were protecting Harry's little bunch of friends. "No! I won't leave you!" Refused the boy and clutched the cloak his godfather was wearing between his fingers.

Those two short sentences warmed Sirius' heart and made him happy but he was supposed to do what was right. He was an adult, it was his responsibility to protect him so he tried to shake his young lover's hand off.

"Watch out!" Screamed Harry out of a sudden and yanked him close as if to kiss him but it was too late.

A hex hit his back.

He recognised it immediately – the repelling charm but why?

He understood the next second because the veil was coming closer and closer. He didn't have any time and so he crashed into the archway within a few seconds. He smashed into it really badly and then fell on the ground.

Sirius was only knocked out but in the chaos of a battle… he was as good as dead.

When he regained his consciousness a few minutes later the fights have almost stopped but something wasn't right… _Harry._ Thought Sirius abruptly when he saw Ronald as he stands with his friends, wands at ready.

Remus was with them as well as Tonks but Harry was nowhere to be seen. "Where is he?" Demanded Sirius right after he got to that bunch even though he felt as if his head was about to split in two.

"He ran after Bellatrix somewhere in that direction, quickly," replied Remus and pushed Sirius in front of him once he was replaced at his duty to protect children by Alastor.

"Can you hear that?" Whispered the werewolf when they came through the first door.

"What?" Asked Sirius hopefully.

"Harry?" His heart jumped at that and almost stopped for a second time that day when his friend nodded. "Go! I'll catch up on you, go!" Ordered the animagi abruptly and shove Remus ahead so he would get the message.

"You're faster, don't linger here because of me, help him!" Added Sirius.

"Alright then," mumbled Remus and sprinted down the hall. Sirius could only see his back which kept still getting further and further away and he couldn't catch up. After a while Sirius passed a pile of ash not having the slightest idea those were his insane cousin's remains.

It didn't matter,

nothing mattered but Harry being save.

"Harry!" Called Sirius when he finally got to the room which was full of green light. It was hopeless his lover didn't even know he was present. "What's happening?" He aimed his question on Dumbledore once he saw Voldemort and Harry completely out of mind, hooked only on their power to kill the other.

Wands totally destroyed lay in a peaceful silence on the floor by their holders' feet. Harry and Voldemort were connected by a green beam of Avada and around them shimmered greenish energy in the shape of an oval.

"I have no idea but Death Eaters die the second they touch or hex it. It only pushes us backwards, though." Explained the headmaster he was still very weary of that thing and Death Eaters weren't stupid.

It was only a matter of time before they attacked them instead.

Their nightmare came true just then.

That green beam… the magic in it… could no longer hold on such a strain…

.

So the hexes rebounded.

.

Neither Voldemort nor Harry could have moved from the way in time so each of both hexes found their goal in the person who send it. The young man flew backwards then fell on the ground and eventually…

stopped breathing.

.

* * *

 **I hope you liked it!**

 **Now hurry on to the next chapter!**

 **And read it!**

 **:)**


	3. Suicidal Hopelessness

Let's start with...

 **NO, I HAVE NOT WRITTEN HARRY POTTER AND I CLAIM ABSOLUTELY NO RIGHTS!**

 **EVERY CHARACTER IN THIS FANFIC BELONGS MERELY TO JKRowling!**

 **I DO NOT MAKE ANY MONEY OUT OF THIS!**

And continue with this if you missed it the last time...

 **English is not my native language!**

 **Any review about grammar is welcomed too!**

* * *

Enjoy.

* * *

 **Chapter 3 / Suicidal Hopelessness**

* * *

.

"Harry!" Exclaimed everybody around anxiously meanwhile all the Death Eaters were disappearing one after one once they realized their Lord has been beaten and killed.

Sirius showed no hesitation as he ran up to his godson.

 _He's not moving!_

 _Nor breathing!_

 _This can't be true!_

Those thought swept through his mind rapidly when he got to his young lover's body. He fell down to his knees, gathered the black haired wizard onto his lap and gently patted his cheeks.

"Come on Harry, wake up…" Whispered Sirius almost brokenly when he saw no change neither reaction.

"Please!" Sirius whined hopelessly and overwhelmed by grief shook his godson roughly. "Come back to me," tried the animagi and to everyone's surprise kissed Harry on the lips which were already slightly touched by cold.

"I'm sorry… I should not have given up on you so easily… I didn't mean to chase you away… I told Remus, you hear me?" Those words were rather sobbed than spoken because Sirius was really crying by then.

Throughout all that grief he couldn't even see the boy's face anymore.

"I'll tell everyone if you care about that just come back to me…" The plea was heart breaking. It didn't change anything, though.

Harry's eyes were lifeless for a while already.

They were empty and dull but till the latest moment saw an image of a dying Sirius in front of them. Till the moment of his death Harry thought his godfather dead.

"Sirius…" Echoed through the room quietly, Remus didn't like to see his friend in such sorrow, he wasn't much better himself though. "Sirius let go of him…, he's better now." Whispered werewolf and tried to release Harry out of the animagi's roughly shaking hands.

"You need to let him go. We'll take him to Hogwarts… he would surely like that, don't you think?" That was it… that was the sentence Sirius needed to hear to convince himself Remus wasn't just trying to steal his godson from him. "I'll carry him myself," claimed the man whose heart was torn up to a hundred millions of pieces.

"No objections," hissed Sirius when people around tried to protest.

With a heavy heart Sirius' fingers ran over Harry's eyelid's and closed then those lovely emeralds for good. After that he stood up, boy… a man… a hero… still in his arms. As he was walking behind Remus without any further thought of which way they were headed, he started to remember.

 _'_ _Could I really stay at your place?!'_

 _'_ _Don't worry I always watch my back you are the one who should be careful though…'_

 _'_ _I love you too, Sirius…'_

 _'_ _Alright then! I love you! As in more than just a godson/godfather way!'_

 _'_ _Yea… ehm… what's your reply?'_

 _'_ _Sirius tell me…, how do you feel about me?'_

 _'_ _People? I don't care about people but if you mind that much we don't need to tell anybody…'_

 _'_ _My friends will understand, Molly will come around after some explanation and about that age difference… I've never been a child, Sirius, I've never had an opportunity to be one and I don't care as well what would my father say because whether he sacrificed himself for me or not, he's not here to raise any objections. Above all of that I'm sure he would want me to never let the person I love slip through my fingers…'_

 _'_ _You are asking me? If I want to give you a chance? Do you really need to ask that question?'_

 _'_ _It's not pleasant to hide our relationship but don't you see? It's worth it to me! We have finally been able to find each other so don't tear us apart! Please!'_

 _'_ _You're sorry? At first you cast me aside as some kind of trash you don't need anymore, and you're trying to apologise through that stupid mirror? Two months later no less! You've taken away the best thing I ever had by breaking up with me! I won't give myself to you again so you could hurt me again! Shards belong to trash bins just as this mirror shard!'_

…

"He kept saying you're in danger that he needs to go save you," mumbled Hermione with tears in her eyes when she sat next to him.

Sirius carried Harry to the castle, down to the dungeon under hospital wing where it was cold so it kept the body along with a freezing hex from decaying. They were told to keep it secret. Voldemort was gone… beaten but the loss of a chosen one would put the citizens back to a state of fear.

It was Moody's plan.

Dumbledore didn't agree he wanted to bury Harry properly and honour the young boy's memory with every possible means.

Thy took a vote.

Many didn't want to cause another panic because Voldemort return unleashed a huge chaos before everyone believed he's gone for good this time. The order decided to keep Harry's decease a secret even though there were a lot of members who loved him they thought it would be better this way.

There was only one thing left, to ensure Harry's 'alive' till everything's been solved and people calmed.

There should be an honourable funeral, the entire England was supposed to mourn the loss of Harry Potter but no one really knew. Not one person with the exception of a few order members and Harry's two best friends had a clue.

Wormtail has been caught at the ministry which caused right next to the one and only Dark Lord Voldemort the long awaited downfall of Fudge out of his throne… well… out of the minister post. His place was given to madam Abott who was elected unanimously.

She was the one to immediately clear his name even though he didn't really care whether she did or not. He got his wealth back, he got paid for a false accusation and conviction, suffering in custody… they even paid him every coin of his salary he could have got for all those 15 years because he finished his Auror training. He could be the wealthiest and most powerful man in England but what was it for?

Without Harry… everything was worthless.

He told them, he told everybody who knew them.

He told everyone about their relationship not caring for any reactions.

He had to, he had to do that for Harry.

"I couldn't understand. He loved you but I didn't think you had enough time to get to know each other that well. Now that I know…, what you had… it is suddenly clear…" Said Hermione and gently squeezed Sirius' shoulder to give him some support.

Her eyes travelled to her friend again, it has been three days and she still could not believe he was dead. "He thought I was in danger as well as Arthur?" Mumbled Sirius abruptly so Hermione had a real trouble to decipher what has been said.

"This year has been kind of hectic, nightmares, visions… he was worried. Since September he was… he looked really troubled and hurt, he was also constantly tired…" She trailed off, it was too much to remember Harry who was then crushed by Sirius' rejection.

"Don't blame yourself.

He did it for the world…, for us… mainly for you though. Live as good of a life as you can that would make him the happiest." That declaration was truthful and was supposed to encourage Sirius even just a bit but it seemed useless.

Sirius was bitter and definitely had no intention of forgiving himself. Hermione sat there for a while with him and her friend but then left too and Sirius found himself again alone at his dead lover's side…

"Nightmares? Visions of Voldemort? Harry, why for the Merlin's sake didn't you say anything?" Whimpered Sirius brokenly and punched the boy's body a few times it didn't do any good though, he just felt a bit worse for doing that.

He was totally devastated, his lover was gone, friends were mourning either alone or condemned him along with his 'sick' feelings for a fifteen-year-old. Hogwarts students started to ask questions too. Where has their saviour gone to?

"He's recovering." Lies Dumbledore with a smile on his face each time anyone asks but this mask takes its toll on him too for he too is missing the green-eyed boy who was like a grandson to him.

It was harder and more painful each day to keep that charade at place but they couldn't think about what had happened.

Sirius wasn't far from a total breakdown or that's what everybody thought but that wasn't the truth.

He broke the second Harry's heart stopped beating and so…

Seven days from his lover's death… Sirius was about to carry out his plan.

He told everyone he was leaving… to travel around England and that he'll set off to European countries then… maybe the Africa after that.

He didn't need his wand, he would travel by train or a boat, muggle way, as Harry taught him. He didn't even own a wand anymore he left it with Harry and why buy a new one when he didn't plan on living much longer.

Remus asked him where he's headed and the first place was simple, White cliffs of Doover. There he would be able to scream, remember and then… just jump… let himself be swallowed by an incoming wave… impale himself on those cliffs… plainly just die. Never… never would he be found, he'll disappear that would be for the best.

He left Kreacher to Molly when he seemed to take a liking to her. The house was left alone without further complications, everything was supposed to be inherited by Harry as was stated in his will, so he didn't care what would happen to it once he was gone.

The short walk to the White cliffs was beautiful but stabbed him to the chest each step he has taken, because last time he was there he had his lovely godson with him. He had no tears anymore, couldn't muster up the strength to suffer and cry. He accepted that pain… it didn't matter though because they were about to meet again…

Very soon in Sirius' opinion.

He was looking down on the rough water which was trying to hide dangerous peaks of each cliff. He was remembering his fucked up life, a tyrannical family, James who offered support, that damn Azkaban and then…

Harry and his love.

He took a deep breath and made that last step forward to stand on the edge. He heard his friend but didn't have the courage to look at him. He didn't need another step, he just leaned in and fell… towards the water, cliffs and death but mainly to his Harry.

.

* * *

 **I hope you liked it!**

 **Now hurry on to the next chapter!**

 **And read it!**

 **:)**


	4. Hope? Just an extension of inevitable?

Let's start with...

 **NO, I HAVE NOT WRITTEN HARRY POTTER AND I CLAIM ABSOLUTELY NO RIGHTS!**

 **EVERY CHARACTER IN THIS FANFIC BELONGS MERELY TO JKRowling!**

 **I DO NOT MAKE ANY MONEY OUT OF THIS!**

And continue with this if you missed it the last time...

 **English is not my native language!**

 **Any review about grammar is welcomed too!**

* * *

Enjoy.

* * *

 **Chapter 4 / Hope? Or just an extension of inevitable?**

* * *

.

Seven days have passed since Harry's death, yet no one outside of a small circle of people knew.

Precisely seven days from the saviour's death occurred something unimaginable.

Magic shot from the boy's body as if an arrow has been released flying towards the ceiling. Then quickly returning back to a cold sixteen-year-old whose body arched like a bow within the moment, his magic struck the body. His heart started pumping and lungs abruptly filled with the much needed air when a breath was taken or rather forced through parted lips.

The boy who has already lived once just survived for the second time. Heavy lids moved slightly and after a while exhaustingly uncovered those wild green emeralds.

He didn't know what was going on, his mind confused and such a mess but knowing he haven't been in the room ever before.

Where was he?

Another thought occurred to him.

Sirius.

He was alive Harry knew. He had thought Sirius was dead but when Harry died himself… he did die didn't he?

That didn't actually matter Sirius didn't die, though, he knew that for sure.

 _Why is it so cold?_

He tried to whisper but frozen vocals refused to listen and make a sound. Freezing hex was still trying to maintain Harry's body temperature under null to stop the body from decaying but now it was only hurting him.

He wasn't able to undo the hex with his wandless magic… too weak to even move but he had to less he would most probably die… for real this time.

He spent ten minutes forcing himself to control at least some of his fingers, twice as much effort and time before he could lift one arm and after two hours of wild attempt to free himself Harry was finally able to pull his body to a sitting position.

"Now com- the –se part." Muttered Harry to no one in particular with his at least slightly regained voice which betrayed him still from time to time. One by one both of his legs were swung across the edge of the medical mattress Harry had been lying on to try and achieve moving his calf muscles which were followed by his thighs.

His legs were really an obstacle but eventually after two painful hours of desperation and effort he managed to move them. Balance on the other hand was a wretched thing. It seemed impossible when his fragile and unstable legs gave out and he crashed down to the floor.

"Fuck – it," hissed Harry his voice strained with pain he felt as if it had been a lightning bolt that surged through his frozen body.

Whining and extremely tired he managed to crawl and lean his back to the wall next to his bed. He couldn't go on anymore exhausted and severely hypothermic… he was hardly resisting the sweet image of sleep.

All of a sudden he felt something warm at his heart and to his surprise it was in a shape of a wand! He reached into his jacket, clutched the totally unknown piece of wood and drew it out so he could have a good look at it. He would have recognised it anywhere especially after he got washed by Sirius' comforting magic as if it was welcoming him back…

Why was his lover's wand here though?

Why would he have Sirius' wand?

It couldn't have been a coincidence and the animagi wouldn't have just left it there in the first place… right? This gave him the much needed resolve to continue in his task. Harry gritted his teeth and forcefully brought his body up thanks to his grip on the wall and bed then he gave his best to try and stand still on his shaking legs. He had to see him there was no other option… He had to see Sirius with his own eyes!

When he was at least partly sure his legs won't give out from underneath him any time soon again, still staggering Harry headed to the only door that there was.

A loud curse and a lot of other foul language could be heard because the door was hiding a steep and very long spiral staircase. Harry had a wand but while trying to do magic he found out he didn't have almost any.

He had to exhaust it when his body fought to restart and maintain all of his life functions and he knew it would take a lot of time to recover just a partial amount of his magic. Too much time to waste it and wait here for the magic to come back to him.

Harry dragged himself up those stairs and walked through a magical barrier that kept others from going down there. He stopped dead at his tracks as he recognized that magic, it was Mad eyed Moody's for sure but why him?

Fear swept through his body, Sirius would have not allowed that…

Hell DUBLEDORE wouldn't have let that happen!

 _Is headmaster perhaps dead? And what about Sirius? I hope I'm not too late. He wanted to follow me, dad said so but surely he changed his mind? He wouldn't kill himself… Moody's authority just won over his… right? But if headmaster passed away… is it still safe here?_

"Madame Pomfrey?" A whisper echoed throughout the entire room once the hospital wing was recognized. Even though there were only few selected words spoken she was supposed to hear him… she weren't there though.

 _Where the hell is she? She never leaves this place… even during the meals she's all ears with all those spells which are supposed to tell if there's someone who needs help! So where is she?!_

Harry was horrified and absolutely frightened, he didn't hesitate for a second though before he covered his hair and face with a hoodie and started his walk to the Gryffidor Tower.

Not knowing what happened Harry just wanted to ease his desire to see Sirius and not die in the process of his pursuit of him. He didn't yearn for another death of his he refused to die again and for real but what if Moody went insane and took over the school?

Harry wouldn't be too surprised.

 _No… that surely didn't happen…not a chance._

A frustrated breath escaped through his lips he was going mental himself.

 _Is Voldemort really dead? Between life and death my only concern was to find Sirius but I didn't see Voldemort either._

 _Who's going to guarantee that his evil self is gone?_

 _I need to be careful he might have woken up just as I did maybe even sooner… everything can be different._

There was absolutely no one in the hallways, he kept his face hidden anyway so the portraits couldn't recognise him and report he's alive to who knows whom. The stair almost killed him but then he whispered the latest password to the Fat Lady and unseen slipped inside.

 _Fools… the both of them… not even one of them thought to change a password…_ Swept through Harry's mind while he was thinking about his two friends this year's prefects.

When he got to his dormitory he was startled but relieved altogether because his possessions were still there.

 _Why did they leave it in here? I died they should have given them to Sirius so why's everything here as if nothing happened? And when we're at it… why didn't they bury me?_

It wasn't like Harry minded he hadn't awoken in a coffin 10 feet under the ground but the question was still there, then it occurred to him. He realized he probably wasn't declared dead.

 _Who would try to… cover up my death?_

Invisibility cloak was still in his trunk along with the Marauders' map so he grabbed them and unseen made his way to the headmaster's office.

 _I appreciate they didn't bury me… but why?_

 _Do I mean so little they didn't tell anyone I had died?_

 _Maybe… they wanted to 'keep' me alive?_

 _Who initiate this?_

There was an obvious answer for that question, the only stubborn lunatics around here who could have hoped to persuade even Molly of all people that this is a good idea… were Snape and Moody.

Judging by the magic that was preventing anyone to go down there towards Harry, he was betting on Moody. "Bastard," escaped through gritted teeth, then his thoughts changed course and got back to Sirius.

Marauders' map was used only to ensure a clear hallway and that no one's going to cross his way even though it didn't really matter with his Invisibility cloak. Harry presumed it was a lunchtime and anticipated that everyone's in the Great hall including Professors he didn't check it for sure though. He didn't want to see… who was lost in the battle at the ministry.

He didn't even know whether all of his friends had come back that day… only one person mattered.

Harry Potter just really badly needed to see Sirius!

"Chocolate cake," whispered Harry to the gargoyle which was protecting headmaster's office.

 _Dumbledore just doesn't change._

 _Well this means he's alive at least… or that the school is in good hands._

Spiral staircase brought him upwards to the empty office. Without any other thought a bunch of letax powder was thrown into the fireplace and then happy; "Number 12 Grimmauld Place!" echoed throughout the room.

Harry stepped through the green flames that were a huge reminder of an Avada he released back at the ministry, he closed the connection after he arrived at Sirius' house and then exhausted sank to the ground.

"Sirius!" Harry whined desperately but the house stayed deadly quiet, not even Kreacher showed up despite it being his responsibility…, no one came.

 _Why?_

"Where are you?" Said the boy brokenly and tried to get up to his staggering feet once again. He gave it his all… he was here then why wasn't Sirius?

Where was his lover wandering?

Yes, he thought Sirius was dead but that wasn't true. Harry knew his lover was alive he felt it when he was slowly returning to his body… for him…

Nobody knew about their relationship then who would give him Sirius' wand?

It must have been him!

"Siri-us…" Tried Harry in the middle of the staircase for the last time but his strength wasn't enough to keep him going. He couldn't even crawl anymore so he fainted… his consciousness swept away with his lover's name on his lips.

.

* * *

 **I hope you liked it!**

 **Now hurry on to the next chapter!**

 **And read it!**

 **:)**


	5. Stolen and Found

Let's start with...

 **NO, I HAVE NOT WRITTEN HARRY POTTER AND I CLAIM ABSOLUTELY NO RIGHTS!**

 **EVERY CHARACTER IN THIS FANFIC BELONGS MERELY TO JKRowling!**

 **I DO NOT MAKE ANY MONEY OUT OF THIS!**

And continue with this if you missed it the last time...

 **English is not my native language!**

 **Any review about grammar is welcomed too!**

* * *

Enjoy.

* * *

 **Chapter 5 / Stolen and Found**

* * *

.

"Let go of me!

Let me go for fuck's sake!" Growled Sirius grumpily and tried to escape out of the firm grasp, he didn't stand a chance against werewolf's clutches, though.

"You think he would have wished for this?!

He loved **you**!

He went there to save **you**!

Then why are you so eager to tell him he did it for naught?!" Screamed Remus… and this time, as if thanks to a miracle… he got through that sheltered façade, straight to Sirius and his heart overwhelmed by grief.

"You hadn't thought of that at all, had you?" Snarled the werewolf, letting go of his friend but when bitter tears started to fall down Sirius' cheeks after all those withdrawn days, he stopped his anger. "We need you," could be heard after a while Remus gave his friend to wipe his tears away.

"Dumbledore called the order-" That was all he managed to say before he was interrupted.

"I don't care what Dumbledore wants!

I don't give a shit about the order anymore either.

None of them was able to stood up for Harry, Dumbledore may have been against it but didn't do anything to stop it, even Molly turned blind eye!

Voldemort is dead then why can't they leave Harry to move on, in peace?

He's kept down there as if he were a criminal not even worth to bury, didn't he deserve more?

The entire England should grieve and I can take it no longer, hell he's lying on an autopsy table!" Spitted Sirius bitterly.

"I hate Moody," added the animagi vengefully he was starting to get sick of the fucked up situation.

He wanted to bury Harry, say his goodbyes but he wasn't allowed to do that, he was glad they even let him to his body.

"This isn't about Dumbledore or Moody, it's Harry." Revealed Remus, gaining his friend's attention. He went down on one knee sadly to have the same eye level then he put a hand on Sirius' shoulder and started.

"Someone… someone took his body…" It was only a whisper and Remus' eyes bore to the ground.

"What?" Asked the confused animagi then he realized the gravity of the situation and a full meaning of what was said.

"I'm going to kill that son of a bitch!

I said it was a bad idea!

Has that madman even realized what things could be done with his body now?

They can use him as an ingredient to some freaking potion, even try to resurrect him in some twisted way!

How could have this happened?

And where was Dumbledore he should be aware of every little thing that's going on in Hogwarts!

Has no one been watching him?

How could someone just take away his body?

Unseen nonetheless!

HOW?!" Screamed Sirius almost out of his senses, it got him up in a second though.

"The shields haven't been brought down yet, they believe he's still in the castle, but we need everyone who's aware of Harry's death or we won't be able to get hold of this bastard, he didn't leave any trace." Explained Remus quickly, pushed a disposable wand – which he had at all times on him in case death eaters tried to get their revenge and were able to take his own wand – to his friend and disapparated on a spot, Sirius close on his heels.

They searched the entire school, from the dungeons to the highest of towers, no corridor remained untouched, but there was nothing to be seen. Not even paintings could reveal crucial information, for they were asked about a person who was escaping with the body of Harry Potter and they saw no one of the description.

"It's all your fault!" Growled Sirius bitterly, his snarl aimed at Moody.

"It has to stay a secret like hell it does!

You didn't let him find peace!

He won't find it ever again now, because the kidnapper seems to want his death to remain a secret!

How are we going to find him now?

How do you plan to convince the Aurors and England he's dead and we need to find his body?

No one's going to believe us, no one will help to look for him, now what are you going to do?!" The tirade was rather long and truthful, but Moody didn't say anything, he was just standing there and grimacing, not even acknowledging Sirius.

He was trying to figure out how could someone get through his magical barrier it was simply weird. "Say something for fuck's sake!" Screamed Sirius again and punched his face. Or at least he tried to but Remus stopped him because he thought of something.

"He's never going to find peace…" Murmured Sirius brokenly and aimed his steps to the door.

 _I'm sorry, Harry._

Crossed his mind when he realized he won't be able to get back at Moody, there will always be someone to stop him, even Remus took his side…

"Wait, Sirius, your wand… you left it with Harry, am I right?" Said Remus suddenly and looked at his friend with a newfound hope, prying he would confirm it.

"How do you know about that?" Snarled Sirius angrily.

"I was going to give his own back to him, to accompany him," sighed Remus over the burned and destroyed piece of wood, he was still keeping in his jacket. "There has been one already, though. I couldn't recognize it but it was yours, wasn't it?" Again trying to make sure.

"Yeah and what about it?" Snorted the outraged animagi.

 _Why do you keep his wand?_

 _You didn't have to give it to me, you could have told me, though!_ He was currently frowning at his childhood friend but he was not going to yell at him, at least not here, not as a small spoiled child.

"It might be a slight chance…" Declared Severus suddenly once he has understood where Remus was going and looked slightly astonished because of the werewolf's line of thought.

 _Who would have thought that the beast is able to realize something like that in this tensed situation?_

His look changed immediately back to the cold one, though. "You can feel it, though, can you not?" Continued the potion master and his eyes swept over his eternal enemy of sort who was in love with his best friend's son.

He wasn't fond of their bond but he didn't judge them either and Merlin knows Lily would kill him if he didn't help in finding her little boy's body.

"I strongly doubt his kidnapper whoever they are searched through his clothes. If he's still here, you'll find him and if not, I'll prepare a ritual throughout this night and we'll track him down tomorrow morning." Clarified Severus when the mutt shot him his distrusting look.

"I'll try," Sirius nodded at once after a little debating. He gave Remus his disposable wand and took a deep breath to calm himself and to be able to focus more.

He gathered all the magic he possessed and called it. It was only shallow but he was starting to feel it, his wand that kept him company since he fled Azkaban to save Harry from Peter, he saw where it had been carried. Its core was strong and though he had owned it only for two years it had responded to him and his magic perfectly.

That may be the reason he could track it so simply now.

He was almost out of his mind when they got to Harry's old dormitory to find his invisibility cloak and the Marauder's map nowhere to be seen. What enraged him the most was when they found their way to headmaster's office.

His wand's track disappeared in headmaster's fireplace. "How is this possible, Dumbledore?" Snapped Sirius viciously and turned to face the crushed headmaster.

"Not even that bastard slipped-" Sirius gritted his teeth and his hands curled to fists. "Scratch that! He didn't slip, no, he even made a promenade right under your noses! And what's worse?! He seems to know a password to Gryffindor Tower **and** your office!" He couldn't even breathe properly how enraged he was.

He didn't care Albus looked pretty upset himself, this could have been prevented and no matter how you looked at it, Dumbledore wasn't able to do that.

He failed to save Harry and didn't even managed to stop Harry's body from being stolen from within Hogwarts – his own school he's supposed to know everything about!

"Have you seen anything?" Asked McGonagall her question aimed at previous headmasters' portraits, but they just shook their heads. "It must have been during lunch when all of us were in the Great Hall. Alastor asked us to look for any signs…"

"Well?" Urged Sirius the painting once its voice died out. All of them aimed their eyes towards ground as if ashamed to speak more.

"I wanted them to listen to the students, if someone's discrediting Potter's sudden disappearance. Granger and Weasley swore not to say anything but there was no saying they won't tell. So I asked them to-" Moody wasn't able to say more because his face surprisingly met the fist of one and only Molly Weasley.

"How dare you… You don't know them. All you've ever cared about was Voldemort's downfall and death. And when Harry managed that you didn't even let him leave you convinced us it's for the best and now?!

You are suspecting his best friends!

You think they would want to jeopardize what their best friend gave his life for?! To put us and all the Britain in danger when Harry fought to save us all?! Because of you and your freaking unfounded suspecting…

We don't even know where he is right now!" Yelled Molly with all the power of an enraged lioness meanwhile her face was marred with ever flowing tears.

Arthur did his best but wasn't able to do much to calm her down. "My son," hiccupped Molly brokenly and buried her face into her husband's chest whose arms were immediately circled around her.

Even though Harry wasn't of her own blood she's always seen him that way. Hoping he would once marry her little Ginny and become her son for real but she didn't waver even after Sirius revealed their relationship along with Harry's orientation she still loved him as her own. And now… she's lost him for the second time.

"This person is a student of this school or he has an accomplice in here. Either way we need to hunt this person down and get Potter's body back.

We own **that** much to the boy." Said Severus with his cold voice which get him the needed attention, even Molly turned her eyes on him.

"I'll make the preparations, we'll perform the location ritual first thing tomorrow morning," added the potions professor with slight nod Sirius' way.

"We'll get him back," Severus reassured him once again.

"We'll start at 7 a. m. not even a minute later," threatened the much feared dungeon bat and after looking everyone in their eyes at least once he aimed his steps towards the door.

"I'll be here, now I'm going home," whispered Sirius dully and hollowly threw a pile of floo powder to connect the floo to his house. He stepped through and looked around.

When he left that morning he wasn't going to come back but luckily… he wasn't able to drink all the alcohol his mother kept there in the previous week. He went straight to the kitchen, where he poured himself a glass of fire whiskey.

He gave up after he got that first glass down his throat, though and then drank straight from the bottle.

Only after the few other gulps and almost five minutes since he got to his house he was able to catch and process what his shields and protection charms were telling him.

Someone got through... a friend… he was still remaining, though.

 _Who for Merlin's sake got here?_

 _I made it impossible for everyone, then who came without disrupting my shields?_

Sirius cursed his carelessness when he stepped on the stairs.

He didn't have a wand, nothing to defend himself with just his weak and alcohol besotted wandless magic. He kept going up the stairs but when he saw the shape of a person lying in the darkness he stood frozen to his bones.

Peter's betrayal ran through his mind, all those false charges and the Azkaban, he refused to go back.

 _That can't be… I won't be framed again, will I?_

But then he recognized the jacket, Harry was wearing it the day he…

 _Shit, shit, shit!_

 _For fuck's sake why?_

 _Who did that?_

 _Who dared?!_

He was screaming on the inside while he kneeled down close to the lifeless body which was cold as ice.

.

* * *

 **I hope you liked it!**

 **Now hurry on to the next chapter!**

 **And read it!**

 **:)**


	6. I'm home

Let's start with...

 **NO, I HAVE NOT WRITTEN HARRY POTTER AND I CLAIM ABSOLUTELY NO RIGHTS!**

 **EVERY CHARACTER IN THIS FANFIC BELONGS MERELY TO JKRowling!**

 **I DO NOT MAKE ANY MONEY OUT OF THIS!**

And continue with this if you missed it the last time...

 **English is not my native language!**

 **Any review about grammar is welcomed too!**

* * *

Enjoy.

* * *

 **Chapter 6 / I'm home**

* * *

.

While Sirius cursed and badmouthed whoever done this he didn't even realized **that** someone could still be in the house.

And then… a frozen icy hand in front of him moved.

It was shaking but reached to him nonetheless and took a hold of his cloak. He breathed out sharply partly even frightened and slowly turned the boy on his back, the hand didn't let go of him, though.

It was Harry, Sirius' wand in his jacket, but without that slight and shallow raising of his chest he would look exactly as the nigh Sirius saw him for the last time.

"Harry?" Came a broken whisper and a warm palm found its way to the frozen boy's cheek.

 _It makes sense._

 _It's impossible for anyone else to come through the protection charms and shields I put up._

 _Only Harry alone had an access no one else!_

 _Even if he wanted, he wouldn't be able to take someone through._

 _Polyjuice potion is the same case… even considering Harry's body in hands, it just isn't possible without tearing the wards apart or at least alerting them._

Sirius was sure of that but the slight doubt… chance this wasn't true and the boy in his arms wasn't really his Harry… was still too great. He saw him die.

 _He was hit with Avada, his own Avada…_

Sure, he managed to cheat the curse along with death when he was a toddler but knowing that and seeing it are two completely different things.

He didn't believe… couldn't.

And so he had only one option remaining.

The only way to find out whether the boy… the person in front of him was really his beloved Harry.

He took his wand back as it was still safely tucked in the boy's jacket and he thanked Merlin for that, but then he bit his lip.

Sirius was against doing this, he hated the idea but there was no going back he needed to know and needed to know right now. So he put the tip of his wand at the boy's temple and whispered the incantation. As gently as he was able to, Sirius poured his mind into the person in front of him.

He regretted almost instantly as huge pain, cruel cold and… memories hit him.

He saw James, Lily, seconds before Harry took his last breath, everything from the young wizard's point of view. He felt that fear that came from the inability to move right after regaining consciousness and of course sadness when he finally got to Grimmauld place and didn't find Sirius there.

Animagi swallowed his curiousness and stopped in his search through Harry's memories while backing up to his own mind.

"Oh Merlin… Harry," sighed Sirius and immediately ended the freezing hex which was casted by madam Pomfrey. Without any other doubt he surged down the stairs to his fireplace as an avalanche (after he got his cloak from Harry's clutch) then he threw floo powder in and screamed Snape's name.

He didn't care the potion master is probably going to yell at him, he was not letting anyone else in. He needed only one person, someone who would be of help to Harry, no one else mattered and sadly the one he trusted most with Harry's welfare was Snape.

"What the hell do you want, Black?" Snarled an enraged dungeon professor who finally reacted to the umpteenth call. He was preparing the location ritual which wasn't exactly easy but Black clearly didn't want him to sleep tonight at all.

"I've found Harry, come through." Urged Sirius and then ran up the stairs back to Harry who was still lying on the staircase. "He came alone. He was able to go through that barrier of Moody's because no one expected him to walk out on his own." Explained Sirius once confused Snape came through the floo.

The animagi hadn't remembered him ever draw so quickly when he spotted Harry's slightly moving eyelids. Snape's wand was immediately aimed at Harry's barely beating heart. "It's a trap! He was dead! I was the one to examine him!" Hissed the potion master with cold eyes on both men in front of him while he stayed alert and conscious of all things around him.

"I used legillimency alright?!

Despite your thoughts I'm not stupid!

Look for yourself then!" Snarled Sirius even though he was against another invasion of the boy's thoughts. But he was at loss and the only person who could help was Snape.

"Just don't hurt him, please." Pleaded Sirius.

"Very well," consented Snape in the end and then dove to the mind he's attacked this year an awful lot of times already. "Bathroom, under the shower, quickly," were the only words spoken after he emerged back.

No such thing as an acknowledgment or Merlin forbid a surprised intake of breath just simple instructions but Sirius was glad for that. A slight nod was given then he swept Harry to his arms and took him to the bathroom right under the shower of pretty cold water.

"We need to warm him up slowly or he could go into a shock." Explained Snape when Sirius shot him one distrusting look. Well it was true Harry's body's temperature made the water seem a pleasantly warm experience.

"Take his clothes of, it'll be faster," commanded Snape right after he raised the water's temperature of a bare minimum. It took them almost an hour before they got Harry to an optimal temperature. Harry was dried with a spell then and Snape disappeared only to show up again with a potion to make the boy better.

They put him under a warming charm for change, wrapped him up in a number of covers and then made him drink the potion which was supposed to make him warm from within. "So… what now?"

Asked Sirius although he hated the idea of being dependent on his old nemesis. He was pretty scared, though, because Harry hasn't woken up once since the slight occasional lifting of one eyelid.

"We did what we could. Lay down with him it's going to help a lot more than a charm." After he said that he swished his wand with a last diagnostic spell and made his way to the door where he turned his head.

"I'll inform Dumbledore tomorrow, it's your call who's going to get to see him and who he'll want to see." That was all he wished to say, so he managed a polite nod and turned to go.

"Snape," snarled Sirius but without malice – old habits die hard – then he simply offered his hand.

The Slytherin hesitatingly watched the reached out palm at first, then accepted it. The silent acknowledgement… stayed unvoiced, but an unseen truce took place that moment, even though the cold war between the two went on for over 20 years.

Severus left.

The wards went up and Sirius sneaked under the pile of blankets to his loved one. "Oh Harry. I just hope this all is not just some sick twisted dream of mine," whispered Sirius and firmly hugged his godson.

That night was peaceful even Siruis' eyelids fell down eventually after a few hours of close watching over Harry. He didn't want to sleep because he was still afraid his godson wouldn't wake up.

 _What if I was too late?_

Was the question that popped into his mind once he recalled all events of the day. He must have disappeared during lunch according to the paintings so they barely missed each other.

Were he to leave an hour later, Harry didn't have to suffer half a day from the freezing hex… alone. Sirius didn't even want to think about what would happen if he managed to pull his stupid escapade with those cliffs.

 _They wouldn't have found him and he would have died… again._

When Harry hugged him back in his sleep, he kissed his forehead with a small smile and closed his eyes too.

His dreams… weren't of the happy sort.

The green-eyed boy was the first one to wake up that morning so he pulled himself free from his godfather's embrace and made his way straight to the bathroom. It didn't occur to him till he got there that he was starkers just like his godfather was and so he tried to remember what the hell happened the previous day.

He woke up under the hospital wing frozen and alone… not able to move. After he managed to get to his feet it was a great task to get to Grimmauld place unseen, but his godfather wasn't here.

He remembered being afraid.

He could dig up some scattered memories of last night and enormous dread shot right through him. Sirius was scared to death when he found him, he even ran to Snape nonetheless!

 _Fuck it!_

 _Why did it have to be that way?_

 _I didn't want him to worry about me I just wanted to see he was okay!_

Cursed Harry because he was sure Sirius bowed down to that dungeon bat only for his sake. Although they weren't together anymore they loved each other they still shared godson/godfather bond.

Right?

Harry believed Sirius broke things off mainly because of their age difference and for Harry's wellbeing as he said but there were some doubts.

 _What if he really wasn't fond of my courtesy?_

 _Is it possible he gave me a fair chance only not to lose me?_

 _And when it went over his head he… No he would not do that to me… I think._

Again Harry cursed his own uncertainty and stepped under the warm pouring water he was still rather cold.

 _The last time we fought he told me he didn't love me anymore…_

 _I will bother him no longer I'm returning to school tomorrow._

Bitter tears were swallowed, wet body dried and wrapped up in a towel and then Harry slipped to his own room. He put on his cousin's old sweatpants and got back to bed, hoping that warming charm of Snape's was still working.

Few seconds after Sirius woke up he almost fainted instantly.

Harry wasn't lying next to him bathroom was also empty as well as kitchen. Sirius searched the entire house before he thought about looking into Harry's room. He cracked the door open looked at the bed and then left with a slight sigh.

 _How much have I hurt him when he fled my bed the first chance he got?_

He was getting frustrated.

Fingers swept through his hair and then he looked at himself. That moment he went red from head to toe and ran back to his room. He was really scared Harry disappeared again so he was looking for him totally naked.

Snape tried to get in around 9 a. m. he had a free period so he wanted to check on the boy.

"Trouble in paradise?" He could not help himself from that remark when the animagi brought him to a different room than last night. He dropped his teasing once he noticed the broken and hurting expression, though.

Once he organized the boy's memories it would have been rather vicious to bully Sirius over them and he didn't want to destroy their truce as of yet. Without waking Harry Severus checked his life functions and then swiftly left the Black's household.

Meanwhile Sirius started cooking and was glad Snape took it on himself to notify others about Harry because no one was demanding an access to his house for now.

"Hi," could be heard from behind Sirius in a while. He turned around eyes wide and frozen to one place.

Dark ruffled hair shiny emeralds a calm pose. Harry was awake alright and most of all… alive. He dropped the spoon and made a step towards him…

He wanted to hug him but his godson stepped back. His reaching hands dropped to his sides and he stopped in his track.

"Hi," replied Sirius shortly, disappointed… eyes turned to the ground.

No smile, no hug, no kiss… nothing.

"I… I'm sorry I didn't want to bother you," murmured Harry nervously not even sparing a look at his desperate godfather he put his arms around himself to bring at least that little comfort to his body's needs.

"I just needed to see you're alright I didn't want to give you any trouble…" Harry added to explain himself without checking his godfather's aghast like face.

"What for Merlin's sake are you talking about?" Exclaimed Sirius and tried to take another step towards Harry while he shook his head absolutely at loss.

It didn't help any that his godson made another step back, like a scared puppy.

"I had a vision I thought he was going to kill you. I didn't want them to come with me, but I led them to danger anyway and you… almost got killed for real," whimpered the boy and wiped at his eyes with a sleeve.

"I know you said you didn't love me anymore. I don't need you to take care of me either I just needed to know for sure… you were okay." Said Harry brokenly and under the weight of those words made another unconscious step back.

"Harry, I…" Sirius was trying to say something to explain… make it up to him but… he didn't even know what to say, where to start. He could tell Harry was emotionally tensed he hadn't seen him like that yet.

 _I did this._

 _This is my fault…_

He thought while looking at the sad pile of misfortune which remained from the proud stubborn and happy young man he once was. "I'm returning to school I… I won't linger any longer to give you more trouble," Harry was resigned his dull eyes met Sirius' and that was the last straw.

The animagi made three long jump-steps, put his arms around Harry's little form and hug him closely to his chest.

"Sirius what are you…?" That was all Harry managed to get out of himself still confused and trying to make Sirius let go.

He didn't understand.

Why was Sirius torturing him?

Why was he giving him false hope?

"I'm sorry," whispered the older one all of a sudden. He wasn't letting go anytime soon, though.

"I lied…

I had to lie it was for you.

I didn't stop loving you how could I for Merlin's sake?" Sighed Sirius right down Harry's ear.

"I made a mistake.

And I tried to make things right immediately after it occurred to me.

I wanted to talk to you but you wouldn't reply." He continued not acknowledging Harry's refusals and squirming to pull himself free.

"I told everyone.

They know.

Everyone who matters knows.

Molly, Remus, all the Weasleys, Hermione…," he was about to continue the list were it not for his godson abrupt stop in fighting him.

"What do they know? What did you tell them?" Asked Harry who didn't understand. He leaned backwards to see Sirius' eyes even though he was still in the man's strong arms.

"I love you," he repeated while looking at those lovely emeralds. He was close to tears.

"I'm sorry I hurt you that was not my intention.

I knew I was wrong once it has happened.

It was for you but when you died… I finally realized that those stupid excuses don't matter.

Nothing… no humiliation or pain… can equal to the moment I… lost you." Sirius tried to swallow his throat was too dry for that, though. "And those few days after…" There… he was able to say it.

Then Sirius leaned his forehead on Harry's shoulder.

The green-eyed boy was speechless. He was expecting a lot of things… well he wasn't able to imagine this. "I know I hurt you but please… please." Sirius whispered and took Harry's face in his palms to look at his eyes once again.

"Will you give me one more chance?" He asked… he pleaded.

If this didn't work out, he could always beg but he was afraid of being punched in the face. And then those emeralds brightened. He wasn't able to talk through the lump in his throat but he managed to nod slightly.

And then their lips connected and they kissed as if it was for the last time.

They were lucky, though, because it definitely wasn't their last kiss.

"Sirius?" Whimpered Harry when they finally have enough kissing for a while.

"Yes?" Asked the animagi eagerly.

"I love you too," Harry smiled and caressed his once again lover's cheek.

Suddenly, as if a lightning bolt struck and Molly's voice could be heard from the floo. She clearly wasn't able to hold back any longer so both men were forced to part and invite over a bunch of eager Weasley family members to have a late breakfast with them.

Molly swept Harry into her arms keeping him in a tight embrace for even a longer time than Sirius had and that was saying something. Arthur's eyes weren't exactly dry either when he saw the boy alive again. We also mustn't forget about the twins who weren't able to overcome their much needed longing for pranking, therefore, they dyed Harry's hair green.

After a morning full of hugs and honest words of affection Molly cooked a meal for them. Remus showed up then and after the end of classes so did Ron with Hermione. It was amazing to be welcomed by his loved ones and he was grateful to have experienced that.

When they left he let out a slight breath he was holding because he was finally once again alone with his lovely godfather.

"I'm sorry I stupidly fell for that trap," murmured Harry once more that night while they were lying in Sirius' room one in the arms of the other.

"I believe we already talked about that, hm?" Sighed Sirius and swept his hand through that unruly hair of Harry's.

"You could have died." Harry said remorse evident in his voice he was still regretting the hasty course of action he had taken.

"If I were to be in your place…" The animagi's words died in his mouth once he thought about what he was going to say.

"No… I **was** in your place, Harry. When I heard you were in danger I didn't care about anything. Even if it was a trap I'd go there after you just to make sure it really is a trap and you're not in danger." Explained Sirius as best and as simply as he could and kissed his lover's forehead.

"You even saw him torturing me I don't blame you…

I hope you know that.

And no one else has the right to put the blame on you, trust me on that one." Added Sirius adamantly then turned Harry's face to himself and looked into those lovely emeralds of his.

"Don't think about what could have happened.

It's not worth the trouble.

Voldemort is gone for good, no one was hurt, it is finally over so stop pestering yourself about it, alright?" One of Sirius' eyebrows went up and it was clearly screaming the only answer its owner wanted to hear.

"Alright," Harry nodded with a smile.

Then he lay his head back on his lover's chest and his hands firmly squeezed Sirius' middle.

.

He was not going to let his beloved godfather go.

.

Not now…

.

NOT EVER!

.

* * *

 **I hope you liked it!**

 **That's the sweet end of this part.**

 **An epilog is coming but I still don't know what I'm going to name it so be patient, please.**

 **:)**


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